Thursday, October 14, 2010

A Peek at My Present

I've been avoiding posting on here. Why? For two very opposite reasons. For the most part, its been because the present moment has held much more stress than normal lately, which makes it pretty hard to embrace. In typical me fashion, it has led to a considerable amount of dreaming of a future in which several stressful issues most likely won't apply. Pretty much the anithesis of this blog.

The second reason is that last weekend I turned 25, and I have so many things to say about this that I've felt a little overwhelmed about organizing all of those thoughts and the experiences of my wonderful birthday weekend that I simply avoided it. Not very warrior woman of me.

(So, here's a little peek of it all before I head to class.)

See, I don't know exactly who I was for the first twenty-five years of my life, and deep-down I feel like it doesn't even matter, because the big questions facing me:

Who am I going to be for the next 25 years?

What am I going to do?

Whose lives am I going to touch?

I showed simple kindness to a girl in a class the other day, and she was so overwhelmingly grateful, I wanted to cry a little afterwards. I am already touching people.

I feel like, with this milestone of a birthday, I get to reinvent myself if I want to. Or maybe tweek things here and there. Be a wonderfully revised edition of myself. Be a warrior woman.

I'm going to ride the wonderful, terrifying, emboldening,
heartbreaking, precious waves of the present.

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

-Dawna Markova

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